Bad Santa
by MakoHeadrush
Summary: Rufus makes Reno dress up as Santa for the children's holiday party, with the rest of the Turks as his elves. It turns out to be one of Reno's toughest assignments. Loosely inspired by the movie "Bad Santa."  Established Reno/Cloud, yaoi.


**Summary: Rufus makes Reno dress up as Santa for the children's holiday party, with the rest of the Turks as his elves. Unfortunately, he's not very good at it, and has a rough day of it with the little rugrats. Loosely inspired by the movie "Bad Santa." **

**Pairing: Established RenoxCloud. Rated M for Reno's mouth, and a wee bit o'citrus.****  
><strong>**Usual disclaimer - don't own them, Squeenix does. This is written for fun, not profit. One-shot.**

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><p>"Yo, Rude, gimme my damned flask already! I've had a shitty day!" Reno shouted at his partner, who grunted in reply. Reno groaned as the last child left, having told "Santa" their dearest wishes. In all of the years that Reno had been a Turk, he noted with some irony that this had been one of his most difficult - or, at least, one of his most unpleasant assignments; Rufus had Reno dress up as Santa for the Shinra-sponsored children's holiday party. He'd been peed on, puked on, punched in the gut; his fake beard had been painfully yanked off by a skeptical child who didn't believe he was the 'real' Santa; worst of all, a child with a large, sticky candy cane, had somehow gotten the candy stuck to Reno's real hair, which had been carefully hidden underneath the Santa wig and hat.<p>

Or so he had thought, until the child in question left Reno's lap, and pulled out a huge chunk of his long, red, ponytail that had adhered to the sticky pop. "Goddamnit!" Reno had yelped, scaring off the rest of the children who were waiting in the queue. "Fucking kids!" he bellowed.

A chorus of whimpering and sobs was the reply. "I _hate_ you, Santa!" cried a small, blond haired boy of about five years old. His large blue eyes reminded Reno of Cloud, and as the boy's bottom lip trembled, holding back a sob, Reno _did_ feel awful for his sudden outburst. And Reno didn't hate kids, not really - he liked Denzel and Marlene well enough - it was just that playing Santa for the day had just proven to be a bit too much for the child-less Turk.

"Not giving you your flask," Rude said firmly. "That's all we need now, is a drunken Santa. You've scared the kids enough." In Rude's opinion, he had drawn the shorter stick than Reno, being forced to dress up as an elf. At least Reno wasn't required to wear _tights_. He shifted uncomfortably, as the garment in question constricted him, and crept up his ass. "Just quit bitching, you only have to sit there for another half hour - "

"No, fuck that," Reno interrupted, standing up from Santa's makeshift "throne", ripping off what was left of the fake beard, and throwing it to the ground. "I'm leaving. Look, Laney and the Director left already, and all the kids are gone by now, too - "

"Because you scared them off," Rude supplied, somewhat unhelpfully. "Hey, at least you didn't have to wear _tights_, Reno."

"I'd rather be a damned elf than dress up as Santa EVER again, Rude," Reno said firmly. "Seriously." He stalked toward the door, the corridor outside pretty well vacant by now.

"See you tomorrow, partner," Reno muttered. "Wanna get this damned suit off, pronto. Shit like this makes me hate the holidays, man."

"Bah humbug," Rude quipped. The comment was met with an icy glare from Reno, and Rude grinned. "Hey, at least you're not spending the holidays alone this year, right?"

"Yeah," Reno admitted, sighing tiredly. "There is that, at least...you're right about that, partner." With a final wave toward Rude, Reno said his goodbyes, and shuffled off in the ill-fitting Santa boots. "Fucking costume," Reno muttered to himself on the way out of the building. "And go figure, the president showed up for like...five minutes." _I'm not letting him rope me into this shit again next year_, he silently vowed. _And if I see or hear any mention of fucking Santa again this evening, I'm going to flip my nut, I swear to Gaia. _

Sulking miserably, Reno headed toward home, to the apartment he now shared with Cloud. His mood brightened slightly, as he thought back on his good fortune of finally getting the quiet blond to agree to that first date with him. _And to think, the whole thing had started on a dare from Elena and Rude,_ he mused, smiling. The other two Turks, after quite a few drinks at Seventh Heaven, had needled an equally inebriated into asking Cloud out on a date. Reno had gone one better - he went over to the bar where Cloud was sitting, having a quiet drink by himself, and _kissed_ him.

The move had earned him a punch in the face. Reno grinned as he recalled that tumultuous start of their attraction to each other, which somehow blossomed into a relationship, despite many of their friends having doubts that it'd ever last. That was not quite a year ago, and despite the rocky start, Reno and Cloud had, against all odds, fallen in love, and were now living together.

It was cold and crisp that night as Reno walked home, trying to better his foul mood with the knowledge that he would soon be home, and Cloud would be there. The oversized Santa pants began to slip down Reno's slim hips, despite the addition of the suspenders that he wore underneath the sweltering plush red top. Not paying attention, Reno tripped over one of the hanging pants legs, and slipped and fell - ass first into a half-frozen puddle of slushy snow and ice.

"Oh fucking _hell!"_ Reno bellowed, wincing as his posterior quickly became frozen. "Fuck this Santa shit, that is the last damned straw!" He reached the apartment building and unlocked the door in a furious rage, stomping up the flight of stairs to the second-floor apartment he shared with Cloud. In an even more horrid mood by now, Reno was glad to be home, and began complaining loudly the moment he opened the apartment door, even though Cloud was nowhere in sight.

"Babe, I'm home!" he called, pulling off the sodden Santa pants in the kitchen, tossing them in the trash. "And fuck the rental fee for this costume," he muttered under his breath.

"I'll be right out," Cloud called from the bedroom. "Just getting changed."

"Okay," Reno said distractedly. He rummaged through the clothes dryer, the clothing in there still slightly warm, searching for a pair of pajama pants and a shirt. "Cloud, you wouldn't believe the fucking day I've had," he continued complaining. "I've had it with this Santa bullshit. I swear to Gaia, if I so much as _see_ a fucking Santa hat again, I might go batshit crazy and use my EMR on the motherfucker," he said irritably.

"And my ass is still cold from when I fell in the fucking puddle - " Reno stopped short as he turned around and saw Cloud standing there, wearing nothing but a _very_ scanty pair of underwear with a mistletoe pattern printed all over it...and a Santa hat.

"So much for my surprise," Cloud muttered, glaring at Reno. He turned to leave, and said, "Guess I'll just hide for now, so you don't electrocute me - "

"Aww, Cloud," Reno said sheepishly, pulling an annoyed Cloud back toward him. "I'm _not_ going to electrocute you. And I'm sorry I'm so cranky...I just had a really bad day." He stared at the Santa hat, carefully perched amongst Cloud's spikes, and grinned.

"I guess you _did_ have a bad day. You've got candy canes stuck in your hair," Cloud observed, pulling a small piece of the sticky candy from Reno's long, red ponytail.

"Shit!" Reno yelped, as he felt his hair being pulled. "Those little - Cloud, why are kids always so damned sticky? And _demanding!_ Gods, I never want to do that gig again. Next year, let's be sure to plan vacation around this time, so Rufus doesn't rope me into this."

"Okay," Cloud said agreeably. He arched an eyebrow and looked at Reno curiously. "So...I guess I should lose the hat?" he asked, smirking.

"You're about to lose more than the hat," Reno said in a low growl, leering at Cloud. He pressed his still-cold body into Cloud's warmer body and kissed him, letting out a soft moan as he felt himself melt into his lover's embrace. He was _home_, and all was right with the world now.

"Don't forget to kiss me under the mistletoe," Cloud quipped, pointing at his underwear. Reno threw his head back and laughed, then kissed Cloud again, crushing him to his chest.

"Merry Christmas, baby," Reno murmured, brushing his lips along the outer edge of Cloud's ear. "I, uh...need a shower, babe. Gotta wash this candy and shit out of my hair," he said ruefully, tugging at his sticky ponytail.

"Merry Christmas, Reno," Cloud replied, pulling Reno down for another kiss. "Do you want company in that shower?" he asked, lips curling up in a sly smile.

Reno simply nodded and smiled. His horrible day was starting to improve, in a very big way.

"Yeah," he finally replied, grinning at Cloud. "That sounds nice. But first," he continued, sliding his hands under the waistband of Cloud's underwear, "...I gotta kiss you under the mistletoe."

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><p><strong>Merry Christmas to all my wonderful watchers and readers! And even if you don't celebrate the holiday, I do hope you enjoy the story, and HAPPY NEW YEAR to all. :)<strong>


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